Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Investigation Services

I was browsing thru my friend's blog in Multiply when I saw this advertisement on the right side of the screen.

I dunno exactly how legitimate the company / website is, but they seem to have lots of credentials. But anywayz... that's not the point... the moral of the story is (after reading thru their website) that it is interesting to know that there are investigations of all sorts of things.

There are even some newspaper articles to indicate that this is a very lucrative business.


And I AM NOT PROMOTING ANY ADVERTORIAL ON THIS. Just saying that it's something that we don't usually read. And it's strange to know that their clients are mostly married women who wants to check up on their husbands.... and 95% of the time, their husbands get caught cheating. omg. 95% leh!!! You know how high that percentage is???? This really makes you wonder abt the integrity of human beings. Are we actually able to remain faithful to ONE person for the rest of our lives??? ( i kw i can... becuz Takeshi Kaneshiro kissed me & i rejected him becuz for some strange reason, i felt the need to be faithful to my bf even in my dreams... but what if he kissed me 2nd time? would i relent? hmmmm...).

Well, for those unwed couples yet, you can even check if your partner is worth marrying.... ... becuz they do investigations for you too. Check his background, his social life, his spending habits... etc etc... whether he has a double life with another man... eww...

Then those who have children and always dunno where their kids hang out with till late at night, you also can spy on them. But wouldn't it be traumatising if you find out that your son has been secretly dressing up as a girl & standing along Changi Village? Or your daughter has been selling drugs to underage teenagers or worse, dancing nekkid in the moonlight & drinking blood from animals?

anywayz... this is the discovery of the day.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

An Emotionally Frustrating Day
A Bird Theory
Other Useless Stuff

Dunno why I just feel unusually easily frustrated these past few months... well actually not really FEW MONTHS... ... it's about half a year already.

Firstly, WHY MUST THE WHOLE WORLD BE AGAINST ME?!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!

Secondly, DOES HUMANS ACTUALLY HAVE ANY SENSE OF APPRECIATION?!?!?!?!?!?!?! OMGF!!!!!!!!! DO THEY?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!

Thirdly, DON'T I DESERVE A NORMAL LIFE?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!??

Lastly, WHY DO BIRDS ALWAYS LIKE TO LAND ON THE AIRCON COMPRESSOR OUTSIDE MY BF'S ROOM?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!! The frequency of this happening is freakishly high... ... everyday, birds surely will rest on the compressor without fail... either to poop / pee / hop around & make irritating tick-tac-tick-tac sounds with their claws / chirp out of happiness & probably also knowing that they are testing the patience of the humans living within the room / caw caw loudly out of horny'ness / add any other birdly behaviour / etc etc. But today, I finally came up with a theory. Birds probably fly at the height of the 8th storey of buildings... it is probably a comfortable height for them to fly at... ... becuz hardly any birds rest on the aircon compressor at my house which is the 12th storey. I mean, HAVE lah... birds do rest on the compressor at my house, but NOT SO OFTEN. And when I was living in my previous home which is the 26th storey, I think only 2 birds came to visit per year. So I think my theory is logical... ... birds usually fly at the height of the 8th storey. Only the more risk-taking, dare-devil birds fly higher. Now I'm wondering if there will be any birds at my new house (The Pinnacle) which is the 35th storey... ... *ponders for a while*...

Anywayz... ... it's strange how I suddenly dun feel so frustrated anymore after blogging about the bird theory.

I know it's pointless blogging about my problems at work becuz it's always a repeated issue. And also, new problems in my own personal life is surfacing. But it's also pointless to talk to my bf about certain issues becuz he won't listen. I mean... He HEARS, but doesn't LISTEN... ... if you know what i mean. Or maybe he does listen, but he is a no-action guy. I guess he's just not into certain things and has in fact, cultivated Selective Hearing. Sigh. Men. If it wasn't becuz he was always making me laugh & making such an effort to be a good person, I would have gone out with Takeshi Kaneshiro already (btw, i dreamt that TK was infactuated with me even though i had a bf & he actually force-kissed me, but i pushed him away due to the faithfulness to my bf. But still, wat the fark lor... it's just a dream & i was still in the right mind to be so damn bloody moral... i am damn good). In the meantime... *kiss kiss*... ... miss my bf. Asshole, always going overseas for his work. HE BETTER BE GOOD OR I WILL CHOP OFF HIS DICK AND FEED IT TO THE AIRCON COMPRESSOR BIRDS!!!!!!!!!

And I love soft limp fries.
I know this is out of the topic & so weird to say this after talking about chopping of dicks, but I just felt like blogging about this becuz I'm eating MacDonalds now.
I love eating soft limp salty MacDonald fries. I dun mean the 'lao hong' (stale fries) kind... but you know, I mean, even when the fries are hot & fresh, there will be these crispy hard fries... and then there are those hot soft limp fries. Soft limpy fries are delicious.

I think I have a pimple on my butt. *feels around the area*... Oh... it's just a big grain of salt from the MacDonald fries...
... wait a min... how did it get on my butt?!?!... ... oh well.... *licks the salt off my finger*... oh shit, it's a blackhead... *swallows it anyway*...

My left leg cramped up while I was driving today. Ohhh what do you care... nobody will care about me... nobody will bother if my leg cramps up & i lose control of the car and crash into the road divider like that Mazda car I saw today outside Alexandra Hospital... ... yeah... .. how convenient to get into a road accident just outside a hospital... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... oh my god, i'm EVIL! stop it Jeanie... ... it's already a sad thing for ppl to get hurt in an accident... ... ... ... ... just rmbr to wear pretty underwear... at least the paramedics won't laugh at you & they can concentrate better on tending to your injuries...

I'm so full of shit today.

I guess this is wat frustrations do to me. It makes me start to talk nonsense... ... .. well, not entirely nonsense becuz the bird theory does make sense. Or maybe... ... frustrations bring out some sort of sudden burst of enlightenment into my head...

Although I still do feel like tearing out my hair in bunches... .. but I shall refrain... ... becuz most importantly, I dun look good when I'm bald. And also, pulling hair out in bunches will hurt my scalp really badly... . it will make me feel like I'm starring in Saw 7... or Hostel 4.

Saw 7
Jigsaw says, "I want to play a game. Listen very carefully to the rules of this game becuz your life depends on it. You have let frustrations take over your life. In this game, you will pull out your own hair in bunches and bleed into the measuring cup in front of you. Once the cup is filled to the brim, the door will open & you will be free. If you fail, the device that is tied around your neck will cut into your flesh and skin your scalp alive."

Hostel 4
Weird guy with pink-dyed chest hair and wearing A-cup bikini GLEEFULLY steps into the smelly cell where I am tied to a rusty chair covered with dried blood - "dum da dum da dum... my sickest fantasy... ... shd i go with the Burn-Her-Pubic-Hair-with-Blow-Torch-and-Fry-Her-Pussy torture method... or the Pull-Her-Hair-Out-In-Bunches method??... decisions decisions... ..."


Weird guy scratches his droopy balls, "OK. Pull hair out in bunches."

Me pleading irritatingly like all movie-torture-victims, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! PLEASE DUN HURT ME!!!!! PLEASE!!! DUN HURT ME!!!!! I KNOW YOU'RE A GOOD PERSON!!!! (yeah right, you FREAK... you're nothing but a freak with saggy balls!) JUST LET ME GO...!!!! I PROMISE NOT TO GO TO THE POLICE!!!! (of course i will... you'll be an idiot if you believe me) I PROMISE NOT TO TELL ANYONE!!!! (ha! the second i get out this place, i'm going to scream crazily at the top of my lungs & 'bao tou' (expose) all of you freaks) I WON'T!!!! I PROMISE!!!! JUST LET ME GO PLEASE!!!! (i know you won't but i just have to beg for the sake of begging) OR FUCK IT... ... IF YOU MUST, JUST FRY MY PUSSY!!! BURN MY 'CHEEBY MAO' (PUSSY HAIR) JUST DO IT!!!! I HATE PUBIC HAIR ANYWAY!!!! PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! I NEED HAIR ON MY HEAD!!!! I DUN WAN TO LOOK LIKE GI JANE!!!! SHE LOOKS LIKE A MAN!!! PLEASEEEEEEEEE!!! FUCK THE PUBES!!! JUST BURN IT!!!! BURRRNNN ITTTTTT!!!!!"

Speaking of Hostel movie, watch this silly spoof of Hostel 3...

Blogging is indeed a palliative relief.

Ahh... I feel much better.

But how come the feeling of silliness is overwhelming me now.

What the hell did I just blog about????


Monday, February 23, 2009

Weird Scary Dream

I was in this abandoned shopping centre where there was a funny (or scary) thing going. This place was cursed. Spirits / Ghosts living in this abandoned place... the whole place is just crawling with them. Then if any 'suay' person uses the keys to open any door in this shopping centre, then they will automatically be cursed to see ghosts unless they lock back the door which they had opened.


how come i will dream of this kind of story is totally mind-blowing & innovative! no movie has ever come up with this storyline yet!! and therefore, i will patent this idea.

anyway... back to the dream... i dreamt that i wanted to test this curse to see if it was real or not. In the dream, I was thinking to myself, "really mehhhhh... unlock the door can see ghost mehhhhh... bluff one lah".

so me & someone whom i dun really rmbr who (so let's call him Vicky) went to this place & walked around but couldn't see anything remotely scary. So we took out these keys (dun ask me where we got the keys becuz it's just a dream) and i actually... BRAVELY... stuck the key into a keyhole and turned it... ... ... ... ... ... ... the door opened.

CHEY... nothing wat. Can't see anything.

Then Vicky tapped me on the shoulder and pointed at a corner with an oh-my-farkin-god expression. I turned and looked and saw this Ju-On looking thing crawling on the floor.

wat the fark lor.

i immediately turned into a chicken & quickly locked the door. and immediately, the image of the ghost vanished.

but in my head, the thoughts were racing like a speeding bullet, "just becuz i dun see it now, doesn't mean that it's not there! i saw it oh shit oh shit... can i get rid of it now? but i dun see it now... AIYAAAA... i dun see it doesn't mean that it's not there leh! that thing is probably crawling towards my legs RIGHT NOW!!!"

so i stared at the space just in front of my legs & was getting prepared to feel a 'grab' on my ankles or something scary... ... but.... ... luckily nothing.

and amidst all these scary bits, i still wanted to go toilet and pee pee. (-_-") but when i went into the toilet, i couldn't pee becuz i was afraid that something would reach out from the toilet bowl & poke /caress / stroke / or any other forms of touching my ass. SCARY RIGHT?!?!? like that how to pee lor!!! s(maybe in real life while i'm sleeping, i actually wanted to pee pee)... ...

but anywayz... Vicky & I walked out of that abandoned shopping centre in one piece... but then, there was this platform where you have to jump down like 10-storeys high in order to leave the place... ... i was only mildly worried as i watched Vicky step off that platform and landed on the bottom ground without injuring himself.

then i............ also stepped off the platform and dropped 10-storeys down onto the ground. i'm telling you... ... it felt like i just had a free rollercoaster ride.

... ... ... i could practically feel my phantom balls shrinking right up into my pussy & shrivel up in my womb... ... i can safely say that fear is not (tat much of) a factor for me...

(-_-")v <--- traumatised 'V for Victory' sign

Feeling Ultra-Miserable

My neck & back is super achy. It is to the point where my right ear gets blocked... I can hear myself breathing in my right ear... when I talk, there is an echo in that same stupid ear. It's damn irritating lor. This has been going on for abt 2 weeks liao. Why am I plagued with so much discomfort. And and and... every morning, I wake up feeling nauseous... ... imagine having a toothbrush at the back of your throat.

On top of that, I feel that being independent is downright torture. Living with non-family members is depressing and constricted...

1. i have to look for food on my own (when my mummy used to have food ready whenever i'm hungry... I MISS MUMMY!!!)

2. i get stressed out when ppl comment that i'm a 'Sleeping Beauty' becuz i sleep till late morning or if i take afternoon naps (my own mother doesn't even bother if i lie in bed all day... ... and i feel so misunderstood becuz i haven't been sleeping well for almost a year which is making me miserable yet again)... and so, i reluctantly wake up early even though i know that i will feel ultra-bored becuz there is absolutely nothing to do after i wake up.. which in turn makes me feel depressed becuz i could be in my own home watching dvd with my family... which will then lead to me lying motionlessly face-down in bed & write the word 'bored' in mandarin repeatedly with my right index finger until i feel more bored & think of something else to do

3. and when i complain tat i'm bored, ppl will suggest that i do something which had made me bored in the first place or will make me even more bored...

4. in the end, i just wan to surround myself with the chosen ones... ... and just relax and enjoy my day... ... basking in the comfort tat i am finally doing something which i like...

5. then i feel guilty for having fun while abandoning my duty... so i return back to Boredom Land and feel miserable again...



wat's the point of explaining... nobody will understand... i'm all alone in tis world... sore neck & back... feeling like i hv morning sickness... everyone is against me... i'm aging... i'm starting to hv wrinkles and fine lines on my face... and what's up with all these red spots on my body that looks like somebody dotted me with a red pen (do i have AIDS??? measles?? skin disease?!?! or worse... 'lao ren ban' aka aging spots?!?!)... and now, when i'm complaining in my blog, i feel like ppl will think i'm siao.

*sulks in misery*


i think i'm going into mid-life crisis...


WHY IN THE WORLD DO I HAVE TO GROW UP?!?!?! I wish my best friend was Tinkerbell and she can sprinkle some happy dust on me so that i can fly to Neverland.