Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Chinese New Year Reflections

Supposed to be a joyous occasion. Where everyone get together and catch up.

Everyday, ppl are busy with their own lives and their own schedules.

But this year, it ain't a bed of roses.

A friend of mine who is in Australia. He's feeling lonely cuz of the festive season and he's all alone in a foreign country.

A family goes visiting but ends up with daggers in the back.

A friend going thru tough times becuz the husband cheated on her and she has nowhere else to go. Dragging her 4 year old daughter, they took shelter at grandma's place.

And the list goes on.

Life is hard. Nobody said it was easy.

Sitting in Mezebar in Orchard, me & Melson watched the ppl walk by. We were chatting as usual about the deeper side of life.

I asked him,
"wat if your gf told you that she will be sleeping early tonight, but as we are sitting here, you see your gf walk by and holding another guy's hand?"

He said that he wouldn't go up to her. He'll just pretend that he didn't see her.

His reason was... it is no point trying to confront her. It is obvious that she lied and there is no point in asking her why she did it. Becuz the answer is right there in front of you... ... that she is a cheating and lying bitch.

Melson said that the second he finds out that his gf is lying to him, he will just end the relationship with no questions asked... ... becuz right at that moment, she will immediately be INSIGNIFICANT in his life.

I understand what he meant.

Then again, it is easier said than done.

If you really liked a person, it will be hard saying goodbye.

It will really hurt. Especially when you believed in him / her.

So now, the ultimate question...

(and since I'm a girl, I'll ask this question in a girl's point of view)

If your partner lied to you about certain things... or he kept certain truths about his past from you, and one day, you found out that he has been lying... ... ... would you be hurt? Would you leave him? Would you accept it? Would you pretend that he didn't lie?

I know I'll be hurt to know that he has lied about his past.

Especially when I find out that he has loved the previous girl more than me.

And I'll be very sad if I find out that he cared for the previous girl more than me.

It will be hard to find someone nice & decent.

And someone you can talk to about anything.

Someone who cares about you like how he cares about himself.

Someone you can spend the rest of your life with.

And someone you can share your problems with.

Someone you can love without fear.

When I find such a man, I'll let you know.

But he will be MINE! MINE!!!


... out where the lightning spills the sea...

Friday, February 02, 2007

Back from MIA
Mindless Chatter

... yeah yeah... I know I said that I'll be MIA for some time. But then I got really sleepy at work today + frustrated at how moronic some ppl are... ... so, I decided to start blogging. For a bit. Until I decided to go back to work. Or not.


Blogging. It started out to be fun. But soon, it wore out its freshness for me and I start looking elsewhere for something different and new.

I look at my sister and wonder how in the world can she blog for more than a year. Doesn't she run out of things to say... or doesn't she get too lazy to turn on the computer? But then again, she's not the one getting exhausted from slaving away at work + she's practically ALWAYS online cuz she has no life (unlike me).

*looks @ time*... omg, it's only 3.10pm and I can't wait to get home.

I desperately need sleep.

I'm just going to go home eat dinner, take my shower & sleep. Sleep till tomorrow morning and wake up at 6am cuz it's another day at work. On a goddamn Saturday.


*looks @ time*... ARG! It's one of those days again... where you look at the time and it just CRAWLS. It's 3.14pm and I cannot believe ONLY 4 mins has passed. Seems like forever.

It's not that I do not have work to do.

I have TONS to do.

But just cannot do it in this state. My weary frustrated state of mind.

I'll just do it tmw... after I get my beauty sleep tonight.

Now, it's just mindless chatter.

ANYWAY, I know of a story.

One fun-filled night, a guy kidnapped a girl.

He took advantage of the girl cuz maybe he really liked her or maybe he's just feeling bored and lonely. But soon, the two are together.

I'm still trying to remember the correct term for it. But I read it in the news that it's called 'something syndrome' where the victim gets emotionally attached to the kidnapper / rapist.

I think to myself, "how is it possible?"

If I had been kidnapped or raped, I don't think I would get emotionally attached to the bastard. Unless... ...

he looks like Takeshi Kaneshiro,
has the body of Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson,
sings like Jacky Cheung,
raps like Eminem,
rich as Bill Gates,
innovative like MacGyver,
and dances like Rain.

If there is ever a guy like that, I will let him have me everyday. Be raped willingly. Or maybe I'll be the one who will kidnap him.

But then again, come to think of it, God has always proven that He / She (yeah.. why must God be referred to as a Male...) is fair.

If he has the above qualities, then he'll probably have a dick the length of a human thumb and the width of a pencil.

Poor guy.

Anyway, why am I on this topic???

*looks @ time*... yes, 3.36pm now. All these mindless chatter DOES help time to pass.

And now, I have to pee.

Back and it's 3.41pm and counting down.

... hmmmmm... what else can I talk about...

Oh Oh... I'm not going back immediately after work. I'm going to meet some ppl for dinner and hang out then go home and sleep.


Yes I know. I'm super indecisive.

I hate being a typical Libra.

You do realize that it's the only non-living thing among the zodiac sign.

Maybe that's why they say that Libra hardly get emotional.

And that they can maintain a logical and practical state of mind. And why is that? Becuz they don't think with their hearts, but their minds.

I'm not saying that I'm heartless. I do get hurt and sad and guilty and depressed. But I think I have a better way of controlling these negative emotions. Then again, when you bottle everything inside for too long or push those emotions aside, it accumulates. And when it can contain no more, the whole damn thing will burst and then drastic things will happen.

But whatever it is, I can always plead temporary insanity.

I think it is a very useful law term that everyone should learn and bear in mind.

"A husband comes home early one day to find his wife in bed with another man.
Something snapped in him and he starts hacking & chopping his unfaithful wife and her lover into delicious juicy minced meat.
Then when the police arrested him, he claimed that he did not know what he was doing and that he has blacked out. And the last thing he could remember was waking up... and seeing blood everywhere... his wife and lover in a mashed up form in bed.
His lawyer pleaded Temporary Insanity for him.
The court lets him walk a free man."


*checks time*... 3.58pm! Please 5pm reach fasterrrrrrr!!!!!

I had a rather similar dream once.

Some guy cheated on me and I happened to see them in bed.

Then I got SO SO furious (x1000000000000000000000000 infinity) and I went into psycho mode. I took a carving knife and I sliced the boobs off the bitch. And I stabbed at the farker's groin. And then I start swinging the knife madly at the both of them... cutting flesh off their faces, disfiguring their body parts...

... enough to hurt, but not fatal enough to kill.

When they were down on the floor, screaming and begging and pleading for mercy, I laughed in their faces. And I'm telling you... I laughed LONG and HARD. Like I was really really happy. Like striking the lottery.

I wanted to make them suffer.

I wanted to scar them for life. Physically & emotionally.

The worst thing was... I felt satisfaction and ultimate glee. The sense of power and control and sticky sweet revenge.

Then I woke up. And my hands and feet were cold. My face was hot from all the blood rush. And my heart was thumping. I still felt the anger and evil inside.

I turned to the left and see Gina sleeping there beside me. My little sister looks so peaceful in her sleep... ... ... wat if I just reach over and tighten my hands around her neck... or push a pillow down hard in her face... ... ... or... ... ...


That was fun.

*glances @ time*... whoopee!!! It's 4.21pm and I can wrap this blog post up and start packing up and head out.