Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Seeing the Light

Had a conversation with a friend.

He reminded me so much of myself... when I was still young. (keyword being WAS = in the past)

After talking to him, I see the light. Both of us are at different points of our lives. I have passed that point... and he's just beginning it.

Sometimes, I think that life works in mysterious ways.

I started to forget what emotions felt like.

And he comes along.

Then I almost stepped down the path that I had tried to leave behind and at the end of this path, will be a plank where I jump off the cliff.

p.s - jumping off the cliff doesn't mean it's a bad thing. it just means that i'm just willing to take a risk in doing something that i want.

Then all of the sudden, I decided to leave fate in the hands of God (not that I'm religious or anything).

Actually, my gal friend was keeping my feet on the ground. And I told her that this friend promised to do something. So, if he doesn't keep his promise, then I'll continue my path on the normal safe road. If he actually does what he promised, then I'll just continue to jump off the plank and off the cliff.

... hahahahahahhaahhaa...

I know. I'm addicted to chaos and destruction.

What is life without living it with a bit of excitement?

Anyway, at the end of the night, the promise wasn't kept.

And I suddenly see the light.

*hears angel bells & sees bright white light*

I think God is giving me a sign.

He's like... patting me on the back and smiling at me and he is telling me,

"you are trying to be a better person everyday, I know. You were starting to go back to Neverland, so I sent someone to find your way back to Me. Now, you have a better understanding of the world and young people... as you yourself were young & foolish once. Just know that at the end of the road, the most important things for a person is their Pride & Integrity."

Neverland = the land where Peter Pan lives and everyone remains as a child there

And I look up into the sky (which I actually do a lot).

I have to admit that I do feel a sense of lost.

Letting go is never easy.

I could never let go of the fact that I lost Jerry becuz I was so dumb and young and foolish and playful and... ... ... ... ok, enough of regrets. But the impt thing is that, he taught me how to grow up and put in that extra effort in a relationship. To treasure and to appreciate even the little things.

I have difficulties letting go of this friend too. Simply becuz I adore him (yes i admit it. And i hardly adore anyone except myself.. hahahahaha). He actually taught me something too... ... and it's that I realized that I have became more understanding and accepting to others.

(i have to say this again) He reminded me so much of myself when I was young. The resemblance is so uncanny! (omg.. is that why I adore him?! Cuz it's like... I adore myself and thus, I adore everyone who resembles me).

Strangely, I am not pissed about the broken promise. I am extremely bummed about it. But I am not pissed.

I believe that we should never tell people to change or do things (but this doesn't mean we cannot REQUEST them to do it), but they should feel the need to change or do things on their own free will.

No point forcing people to do things.

Forced entry is always painful.

... ahahhahahahahha... stop thinking dirty, you people. My blog is only for the innocents. Or at least, I try to keep it that way. Lots of underage ppl reading this.

Life goes on.

People will come and go. But no matter what, you'll always remember them.

But we should always look forward to happy endings (well, actually in life, THERE ARE NO HAPPY ENDINGS. But still, just try to lie to yourselves. HAHAHA).

Every episode in life teaches you a valuable lesson.


p.s - i just re-read this entire blog post and i have absolutely no idea what i am trying to say. it's like the Devil and God are both helping me to write it at the same time. i'm already trying to maintain a balance, but i'm like evil and yet, trying to be good at the same time. it's so contradicting. well... ... as the famous saying goes, "the mind is strong, but the flesh is weak".