Possessed

I've been thinking for 2 consecutive days already. And I still cannot understand why I did what I did on Friday night.

It's like... 1.5 years of good conduct just went down the drain.



Whatever possessed me to do THAT?????



What the hell happened to me?!

It's like when you're in the army and you trained really hard to achieve that great looking body of yours. Then all of the sudden, it just takes ONE thing to set you off and you start to gorge down tons of fatty oily food in one night.




All that perseverance and all that determination...

... together with, that squeaky clean record.






GONE.






GONE GONE GONE GONE GONE







I guess what they say about the leopard is true after all.

IT CAN NEVER CHANGE ITS SPOTS!!!

No matter how hard you try. You just continue to be silly and rash and implusive.



It's like a drunk who can never completely stop drinking.

Like a man addicted to crack and cocaine.

And like someone who cannot control his temper.



I guess it takes more than a conscious effort to have a lot of self-control and to remain clear-headed.


Quit smoking.

Stay away from party scenes.

Think before action.

Keep temper in check.

Knowing your alcohol limit.

Not giving in to temptations.




Seriously.

It's tough being human... especially, when you want to be the perfect being.

I guess my greatest sin among the 7... ... would be... .... PRIDE.

It's always 2nd nature to me.... to WANT to possess anything nice and great. To boost my ego and have this self-indulgence thought that I once had something good. It doesn't even matter if that thing is actually good for me or not. Or if I actually want it or not.



The addiction to P.R.I.D.E is just too much for me to take.

I have to give in to it!

I wish I could have more self-control on Friday night.

I should have been more clear-headed.

A little perseverance would have helped too.

But instead, I had to be too nice to reject it.

Something so nice and wonderful just fell into my lap... and I just had to give in to temptation. I had to welcome it with open arms. I had to touch it. Prode at it. And in the end, I wrap myself in that cocoon of wilful pride and relish in that emotional high.



But well, I guess it's not point brooding over it.

Just live for the moment.