Sunday, October 01, 2006

Happy 27th Birthday to ME!!!

I can still remember my first birthday blog (read it HERE).

It was kinda sad and depressing. Probably becuz I was going thru a detachment period from an ended relationship.


What doesn't kill us, will make us stronger.

I still stand true to what I have said.

"I believe that this must be the actual reason why people should be happy when they celebrate birthdays. It's becuz every year, they know that they have improved themselves in a certain way... and have not walked around aimlessly as years pass them by. They celebrate becuz they are getting BETTER every year. And THAT is exactly what you should be happy about during your birthdays."

We may have aged a year older and we're definitely not getting any younger. So there is absolutely nothing to celebrate... ... except to know that you have grown a day wiser & have changed for the better.

I haven't been mistake-free since my 26th birthday. I have made some mistakes and I have done some nasty things, but it's all part of understanding who you are. And it's only human to slip into the darkness once in a while, knowing that you will emerge a better hero.

So there are people who have forgotten that 1st October is my birthday.

But does that bother me?

Well, I did think about how people are slowly forgetting that Gni exists, but it's only part & parcel of life. There are people who forgets you, and there are also people who remembers you. It only matters if the people whom you care about remembers you... becuz I sure as hell do not remember those who do not matter to me either.

Let's see... what have I morphed into in the past year?

... #1
The most distinctive change in me would be... ... that... ... I'm turning into a little pussy. I used to be mentally strong towards gross smells. You know, like a dirty smelly toilet or really terrible body odour. Hell, I can even watch a dog poopie while I'm putting food into my mouth.

But now, my tummy feels upset at the smell... and I actually will puke at the whiff or sight of anything disgusting.


Am I becoming a softie? Or am I finally becoming that girl that my mummy wants me to be? She used to always say that I behave like a man.

... #2
I'm becoming more and more materialistic. It's like I'm aiming to earn more money to upkeep myself. I used to be carefree, without worrying about my finances. But now, I'm starting to plan my money more carefully... and how to make my money grow for me instead of just sitting stupidly in the bank.

More money = More stuff to buy
More money = No worries of burdening others when I get sick
More money = Able to make my close ones happy

... #3
I make the effort to keep in touch with people who have touched my life significantly.

I have always been a sharp-tongued bitch with a soft heart. I can't stay mad at people for more than 10mins. However, that doesn't mean that I will let people talk down to me nor patronise me.

And I seem to appreciate the good things that people have done for me... no matter how trival they are. I always keep in mind this famous saying, "People will always remember the bad things that you have done, and never the good."

Therefore, I always make it a point to forgive & forget the bad... and remember the good.

... #4
Becoming more independant and self-reliant (in a way). I no longer depend on others to make me happy.

Becuz the only person that can make you happy, is you.

... #5
Being more focused on my goals and what I want in life. I will make up my mind to pursue my career in HR and will not change job scope again. Also, I know what I am looking for in the future and I will not settle for anything lesser.

And you know what?

Every year, I pray to look a little better and age a little slower. Hopefully, someday, I will look like them:

But my hopes are dashed.

I don't think even the Devil will help me achieve this. And God will not grant me my wish. Simply becuz I'm not evil enough for the Devil to be proud of me. And I'm not saintly enough for God to reward me.

Also, to remind me of my aging body... ... I had to pull a back muscle last week. It's been hurting like a mofo ever since. In fact, I've been on MC since Tuesday.

This is not good.

I'm not even 2 months in this new job and I'm taking unpaid leave.

I'm surprised that my boss hasn't given me the Get-The-Fuck-Out letter yet. In fact, she's been really kind and considerate.

After all bad things that have happened, it will only mean that things will start to look a little brighter in the future.

*hugs myself*