Sunday, October 02, 2005


Today is my 26th birthday... the long dreaded day. I realized that I have been waiting all my teenage life to turn 21... so I can watch RA movies (officially). But the minute I turned 21, I realized that I'll probably be waiting all my life to turn 18.... :-/

And I don't understand what's there to celebrate about... and what's there to be joyous about?? It's just one more step closer to the grave... one more wrinkle contributed to your age... one notch closer to saggy skin...

Am I afraid of getting old? YES.
Am I vain? SO VERY YES!

You know what?? I'm actually a single eyelid person... and as narcissistic as I may sound, I think I look pretty good with single eyelids lorrrrrrrrr. However, every since my age started creeping closer to 30, I realized that I'm turning into a DOUBLE eyelid person... *THE HORRORS*!!! And also, do I sense my cheeks getting droopy'er... or am I just paranoid?!?!?!

Moreover, I just had a recent break-up. And my mother has been starting to get worried about me... still unmarried at 26... and not only still unmarried... somemore still single... hahahaahaha... (and when your mother starts to worry about this, you WILL know that you're getting OLDER... dear god).

Call me a tough cookie, but I have told my mother before... that I will rather be unmarried than marry the wrong man. Uh huh... no rushing into anything that I will regret in later life.

Well... ... SORRY if I don't grovel at men's feet... and SORRY that I'm not that little mousy woman who lets men order me around... ... I have more DIGNITY and PRIDE than that. I may be (almost) old, grey and wrinkled, but SORRY that I feel that being on my own is better than having a troublesome man beside me.

I do admit that at times like this (birthdays, valentine's day, christmas, and other shitty happy holidays), I do feel like something is missing. Although I have lots of true friends, whom I love to death and have too much fun with... it's just feels like... something is missing. Aiya... I dunno how to explain this la. But basically, my point is... why bother keeping a man who makes you worry... and makes you angry... and does all the un-boyfriendly things?? Correct or not??? ... ... aiya... no need to pause and think lah... it's of course correct lah!!!

So, maybe I'm one year older... but I am definately 365 days wiser. I'm not that little young girl who smiles easily when guys shower attention. I'm not that ignorant little girl who can't see evil and nice. And I'm no longer that fragile little girl who worries where her man has been.

Call me arrogant. But I didn't waste and rot away the past 25 years of my life. I moulded myself into... BIONIC WOMAN!!!! *ta ta ta taaaaa*... Every year, I change a part of me that I didn't like... and I turn it into something better. Bad temper in the past? Now, I have higher tolerance of people. Cold & Aloof? Now I'm attentive. Bad grades in secondary school? Well, check out my flying colours in ITE and Poly. My boss tells me that I have to be more careful in my work? Roger that. Now, I'm 98% accurate.

Am I a perfectionist by nature? Of course.

I believe that this must be the actual reason why people should be happy when they celebrate birthdays. It's becuz every year, they know that they have improved themselves in a certain way... and have not walked around aimlessly as years pass them by. They celebrate becuz they are getting BETTER every year. And THAT is exactly what you should be happy about during your birthdays.

For me... well... I just don't intend to rot my life away by being an imperfect human being. So yeah... as I lay in bed today and am feeling depressed about my age, I thought to myself, "wat have I done the past year from 25 to 26?" Well... I've proven that I'm the best employee you can ever have. And I have made that effort to spend lots of time with my family (very sorry I have neglected you guys all these years), and now, we're practically friends.

And yes... I should be happy on my birthday. I've not wasted my life away.