Thursday, January 03, 2008

A Really Cool Story

Firstly, I want to start off by saying... I DETEST CHINA PEOPLE.

This is becuz:

(a) China ppl are so determined to find a Singaporean to marry - i don't even need to explain this point becuz everyone already knows this.

(b) China men are so full of complains - i work with china male workers and they seem to really really complain. A LOT. And the way they complain is as if WE SINGAPOREANS have FORCED them to look for WORK HERE IN SINGAPORE. Excuse me? Did WE SINGAPOREANS put a knife to your throat and drag you by the balls to work like slaves here? No. YOU WERE WILLING. So shut the fark up and accept the fact that you drive a forklift and do manual labor. If you were smarter, you would have been in IT Consulting.

(c) China women only know how to prostitute themselves. I hate prostitutes. I dun know why. I just feel that they make this whole world so dirty - i know i know, if there are no prostitutes, there will be a lot more rape cases in the world. Whatever. I know hookers are for men who cant get girls. But the fact that there ARE hookers around, normal men will just try them out of curiousity.

(d) China women agressively seduce Singaporean men becuz of point (a) - damn sluts. If the law was in my hands, I'll lock all the hookers / nightclub prostitutes / China women in a cage and squirt kerosene on them and set them on fire. And if rape cases go up becuz there are no more cheap sluts, I'll gather the rapists and put them in a cage and squirt kerosene on them and set them on fire. After this cruel but justice act, I'm sure the world will be a cleaner and more lawful place.

Ok. Now let me tell you a cool story:

Imagine Fat Bastard from Austin Powers.

Fat Bastard can't get a girl due to the fact that he is fat & ugly.

Sweaty. Hairy. Lack of social skills. Has fatty BO.

Fat Bastard cannot stand the fact that he is still a virgin at 25. Plus his balls are really turning blue. He cannot masturbate recently becuz he had wanked off so much that his lan jiao skin has exfoliated badly and started to feel really tender and sore. Besides, his mother has found all his XXX-DVDs and has kept it for herself.

Therefore, feeling sorry for himself, he decided to try out prostitution.

1st time - "cannot believe i am having sex" - loser

2nd time - "cannot wait to come back again"

3rd to 8th times - "die... addicted liao..."

9th to uncountable times - "i know why i'm addicted liao. These hookers make me feel like I'm so wanted and desired by them" - yeah right, becuz you are their source of income wat... loser...

Unknown to Fat Bastard, he had already contracted some itchy, rotting sexual disease.

And since no horny fat ugly bastard will go to the same hooker, about 20 other hookers have contracted the same itchy, rotting sexual disease from Fat Bastard.

Then here comes Jay Chou. A nice young man. Not so handsome, but still attractive to the female population. He had a gf, but they broke up a few months ago. And recently, he has been feeling a little too horny for his own good and masturbation is not as good as the real thing.

Jay Chou has a group of army buddies who hang out together on weekends. They introduced the world of Geylang night activities to Jay Chou... drinking... nightclubs... women who are so willing to let you touch all over... women who make you feel so loved and desired. Suddenly, Jay Chou feels so popular and well-liked. Plus he can touch different girls almost ever night. It feels like eating from a different patch of grass each time.

Jay Chou thought, "wahhh... the girls there really have such nice smooth touchable bodies. I remember my ex-gf Jolin had big boobs too... SHIOK AH. I am in Men's Heaven."

A few years later, Jay Chou found a really really nice sweet loving gf. He really loves her a lot. They plan to get married and have a happy family with 2 kids.

However, one day, his gf fell ill. The doctors then said that she had contracted AIDS + Herpes. And upon tracing further, it was from Jay Chou.

Jay Chou thought, "no wonder my lan jiao so itchy and red... and sometimes, it smells so bad... i thought it was just sweat".

...Flashback to few years ago...

There was a prostitute called Puah Chi By, who had contracted AIDS from one of her customers called Phua Chu Kang.

One night, a guy called Fat Bastard came to pay her for sex. Puah Chi By could tell that he was still a virgin becuz he couldn't even find her pussy... ... even though it was so damn big and loose and smelly.

Fat Bastard then proceeded to sleep with other prostitutes.

One of those cheap sluts was called Chao Hai, who had really smooth skin with big boobs and an angel face. She was so pretty and sexy that Fat Bastard went back to play with her a lot more times.

One rainy stormy night, Fat Bastard looked for Chao Hai again. After he was done with her, Chao Hai cursed and sweared at her bad luck, "ka ni na... why must always kenna this kind of smelly fat pig leh??? Before this stupid fatty come in, I got to service this old wrinkled man with extreme body odor who lick me all over with his smelly saliva. ka ni na... got gum disease one is it."

To her surprise, her next customer was so cute and young. Unbelievable. So seldom got such a nice looking guy come for paid sex. Must be just broke up with gf, so must be feeling horny lah.

... Back to Present...

So that's how Jay Chou contracted AIDS.

And how he passed it on to his one true love. His gf got super furious at him. Then she committed suicide by slicing her wrists becuz there is nothing worth living for anymore.

Jay Chou bang balls. Becuz he is farked for life. He knows he cannot find another sweet loving gf. His future is gone. He was supposed to go to Taiwan to be a famous singer, but now he can't.

Since he can't do anything useful in life, he continues to go for prostitution becuz that's the only way he can satisfy himself until the day he dies from the sexual disease.

And in the world of prostitution, he meets a regular customer called Phua Chu Kang. After chatting, Phua Chu Kang told Jay Chou that he was doing parquet flooring and he was supposed to be the best in Singapore & JB and some say, Batam. However, along the road of his success, 'SOMETHING HAPPENED' and PCK had to give up his parquet flooring dream.

Hearing this, Jay Chow felt that they have so much in common.

And they become good friends who hang out together at nightclubs with women who desire them so much.