Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Top 10 (or more) List of Things

Last night, I dreamt that I went to get a tattoo!!!

EXCITEDNESS!!! I had always wanted to get a tattoo!!! It's like on my list of things to do before I die.

1. Have straight shiny white teeth.
2. Have my spine straightened.
3. Maintain at least $50,000 in my bank account.
4. Go for double eyelid / eye uplift corrective surgery.
5. Get fillers to plump up my lips.
6. Pierce navel (done)
7. Pierce that-hard-part-of-your-ear-bone-that-starts-with-T (done)
8. Get a tattoo.
9. Go to gym regularly.
10. Pluck my bf's armpit hairs until it's baby smooth.

Ok. These are not the only things I want to do. I mean, there are other things like... live happily & blissfully for the rest of my life. Never lift a finger to do housework forever and ever. Space out and daydream and get paid. Money constantly drop down from the sky and into my room's window. Never suffer another body ache, no back pain / neck pain / shoulder pain /etc etc. Eat anything I want & all the food will be processed and transformed into nutrients for my boobs. Never have stretch marks. Suddenly grow a brain and become super intelligent.

Wat the hell... the list is endless!

I also wish that female human beings can just lay eggs like chickens instead of pushing out a huge screaming baby from her pussy. DO YOU KNOW HOW PAINFUL & GROSS THAT IS?!?!?!?! why can't we just lay an egg... ... maybe the size of a computer mouse... ... and then wait for it to hatch? Then it will grow into a normal size baby. There are so many advantages to this.

1. the fetus doesn't kick around in your stomach like Alien.
2. you won't have stretch marks becuz a computer mouse is so mini and cute.
3. no need for extreme pain in child birth!
4. the egg just leaves you alone until it's hatched (preferably in a week's time, so that the mother is completely re-energized to take care of the hatched baby).
5. once it's hatched, it's also mini-sized. and anything that is mini-sized is cuter than a normal-sized thing.

And I wish my parents will give up the idea of giving away Twinkle!!!