Sunday, May 21, 2006

POSEIDON the goddamn 'steamed' movie

(... damn this movie rocks!)

First, in the beginning of the movie, this captain was talking about a god named Poseidon. And I got curious... so I went to search a little on the background.

Poseidon is the name of a Greek God... and its Roman name is Neptune. He was the god of the sea, earthquakes & horses (dun ask me why horses... that's what they say).

In mythology, it was said that 3 gods divided the creation.

There were 3 brothers...

Zeus was ruler of the Sky.
Hades had the Underworld in his hands.
And Poseidon was given Water.

At one time, Poseidon was fighting with another Greek goddess called Athena... to be the patron deity of the Athens. He lost the fight and got so pissed that he used his 3-pronged spear and caused a flood of seawater which ravaged the land!

So I guess... in the movie, the huge ass wave was caused by Poseidon (aka Greek God) getting pissed at something...

(... that's just so majestic & powerful... yet really scary.... i LOVE it)

Let's talk about the HERO of the movie!!! He is... none other than... the SEXY... MANLY... CHARMING... (and seemingly selfish in the beginning of the movie, but later turns out to be a changed man)... .... JOSH LUCAS!!!!

(sexy, isn't he??)

(.. I reaaaally wonder sometimes... WHO THE HELL TOLD HIM TO POSE LIKE THAT IN THE FACE OF DANGER?!?!?! Look at that body line? And if you noticed... his left thumb is subtlely pointing upwards to himself. It's like telling you... "hell I'm in charge... I'm the man... look at me... I'm dirty, wet & probably smelly... but I still manage to make you focus your attention on me"...)

Poor guy... he acted in this supposedly breakout film called Stealth that aired here in 2005, but the movie made a lost in the worldwide box office! I personally have watched Stealth (of course, I have... I'm a movie fanatic) and I found it to be interesting. But I guess the people around the world don't fancy movies like that.

Also, Josh Lucas was hurt during the filming of Poseidon. Kurt Russell accidentally split open his head with a flashlight underwater and poor Josh needed stitches. And he also fell and snapped the muscle in his thumb and had to have surgery to rebuild the muscle... ... awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... you poor baby... come here and let mummy give you a wet, sloppy kiss... *LICKSSSSSSSSSSS*... yum... AHHAHAHAHA... damn he's sexy..

Kurt Russell probably did that on purpose. He's thinking, "... sexy YOUNG Josh... look at those striking blue eyes and charming smile... ... god... that jawline... mmmmmmmmmm... oh wait... wat the fark... DAMN HIM!"... *smashes his head*...

hahahaha... ... I mean, come on... they were UNDERWATER... .. do you know how HARD and FAST Kurt gotta move his arm to break open the flesh? If you dun believe me... just submerge yourself in the swimming pool and try to throw a punch.

Then again... accidents happen. And alright... Kurt Russell looks like a really nice man... ahhahaha... cuz I love him in Soldier back in 1998. He was the robotic army-trained hero who saved a bunch of refugees. REALLY NICE MOVIE!

(... they don't teach me emotions... they don't let me cry... I am strong & heartless... and when I got dumped for a newer & better breed of Soldiers, the refugees took me in. They teach me care... they teach me concern... she taught me love... I will save them from death...)

In Poseidon, there was this really cute & brave little boy. His cast name was Conner. The mini hero who saved everybody from drowning in this vent!!! He still remained so calm in that stressful situation and still managed to look adorable.

This is... Jimmy Bennett. I think he's a really good young midget actor... I love the way he cries and displays all that emotion on screen!

(... awwwwwwwwwwwwww!!! Just look at THAT emotion!... shit he's good...)

(... look at my big googly eyes and huge teeth... don't you just wanna hug me & squeeze me & love me?! But I really got to get my big gums fixed... cuz it's looks cute now, but it's gonna be just PLAIN WEIRD when I'm older...)

(... another thing I love about this kid...!!! Look at that Faces of Death T-shirt he's wearing... a Chucky doll with a Mohawk in one hand... and a masked prisoner waiting to be hanged in the other. Jimmy Bennett is such a sweetie!!)

Speaking of sweeties, check out Emmy Rossum with the bosom (hahaha... yeah, I'm lesbian). The babe of the movie. She's the daughter of Kurt Russell. There's just something about her that makes me wanna lick her eyeballs... yes, eyeballs... cuz her eyes look so dreamy and sleepy at the same time!

(... *flutter flutter*... dreamy eyes...)

Emmy Rossum also acted in Phantom of the Opera that opened here in 2004. I watched that too... and I actually thought that it would be this dramatic, opera'tic, boring movie. But surprisingly, it was ENCHANTING.... so good that it sent chills down my spine... makes the hairs on my arms & legs stand (and it doesn't help that I'm hairy like a monkey).

(... sweet, isn't she? You gotta watch the movie... chilling!)

Also, this sweet ass also acted in Day After Tomorrow (2004)... alongside with that gay cowboy from Brokeback Mountain - Jack Gyllenhaal.

(... *sings*... siiiilenttttt niiiighttttt... hoooolllyyyyyy... ... COW!!! IS THAT AN AVALANCHE?!?!?!)

The other actors in Poseidon that don't really matter but makes the movie interesting... hahahahaha... ... like...

Jacintha Barrett... the flirty mother who doesn't really have much screen time, except to hug and kiss and fuss over the son - Jimmy Bennett. In addition to that, she keeps clinging onto Josh Lucas (fine i'm jealous i admit).

(.. hey hey... I served my purpose, ok?! If not for me, there will BE NO cute little boy in this movie...)

Gni - ... alright alright... watever, you slut... (woooooo... this is getting personal...)

And there is that claustrophobic bitch - Mia Maestro.... the I-can't-do-it-I-can't-do-it girl. But I guess in every survival movie... they JUST HAVE to put this character in. The one who slows people down... the one who whines all the time... the one who can't breathe in times of danger.. and panics drastically that ALMOST caused the drowning of Josh Lucas.

But I guess that's what movies are supposed to do to you... ... when they can't breathe, you can't breathe too... when they hit their head & bleeds to death, it makes your scalp tingles too... ... and when they can't function for the convenience of others, it makes you want to reach in and punch them real hard. AND when you feel this way... then it must mean that they're good actors.

(.. *high-pitched & airy voice*... oh somebody.. SAVE me... I can't breathe... I can't do it... please... I dun want to drown, but I don't want to move from this spot...)

Gni - ... somebody please just bitch-slap her for me... tear off all her clothes... and just let her DIE... ... DIE nakedly... let the fishies just peck at her nekkid flesh...

There is also Richard Dreyfuss who starred in the movie. That old gay man... who wanted to commit suicide cuz his lover didn't call him back. But just before he jumped off the ship, he saw the monstrous wave... and the shock made him fear for his life... .... very ironic, isn't it. But it really portrays the human psychology, doesn't it?

(... Richard Dreyfuss is probably thinking, "damn why do I have to be the gay"...)

This is the scene where Josh Lucas & Kurt Russell were trying to save old Richard's life. And this is also the scene where Richard had to kick someone off his leg to save his own life.

(... goddamn, you're HEAVY for an old man...)

Then there is Freddy Rodriguez. In the movie, he was known as Valentine. And the gay Richard Dreyfuss actually said, "Valentine... I like that name"..... AHHAHHAHAHA...

And Valentine was such a sweet guy in the movie... caring and giving.... and kinda cute too... but GUESS WHAT?! While he was trying to let the gay old man be saved first, the metal table that he's standing on gave way and fell a few storeys down... so he clung onto the gay man's leg for dear life.

But in order to save 1 person, rather than let 2 persons die... ... Josh Lucas actually gave this evil look and told the old man to... "KICK HIM OFF! KICK HIM OFF IF YOU WANT TO SURVIVE!"

... and the old man really kicked him off.... OH GOD... that scene was so unbearable.... *sob*

(... yes, Valentine... you dun know it yet... but in another 5mins, you're going to fall and get crushed by the elevator...)

Lastly, there is another small town hero... who is like... the unbelievable GOOD GUY. He's... Mr Samaritan... Mr Let-Me-Give-Up-My-Life-to-Save-All-of-You... Mr Before-I-Sacrifice-My-Precious-Life-Let-Me-Hear-You-Say-You-Love-Me.

(... yes, I am Mike Vogel. I am also known as Christian in the movie. I love my wife-to-be who has really nice tits. I'm Mr Perfect who no longer exists in this world...)

Gni's worthless rating for Poseidon: 8/10


My piece of crap for those who are reading.

I love movies... it's a good way to unwind and take yourself away from the real world for a while. You put yourself in other people's shoes... and then you think about what you would do if you were them.

Really like to notice subtle things. And I can watch the same movie 3 times, just to catch the details that I had missed the first time.

... the raised eyebrow... the thumb pointing towards themselves... the psychological behaviour...

And of course, only the good writers come out with a good plot. I love the movie Saw and its sequel Saw II. It's gross.. and the storyline was DAMN GOOD.... please watch it.

But if there isn't a clever plot... and the movie depends mainly on effects, then you gotta rely on a very good director. And in the case of Poseidon, that will be Wolfgang Peterson.

(... I am the man. The man who made it all happen for you movie-goers... worship me & kiss the ground I walk on...)

Gni - ... master... master.... *bows*...

Wolfgang Petersen was also the director for The Perfect Storm in 2000 starring George Clooney. And he also directed the movie Troy in 2004 which starred Brat (opps... I mean, Brad) Pitt and Orlando Simply Delicious Bloom.

And now, I simply can't wait for X-men III: The Last Stand !!!!!!!!!!!! The next must-watch movie on 25th May!!!